Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The Yakuza: Fashion Warriors

Last night I watched Noboru Iguchi's film The Machine Girl.

I'm not going to attempt to review it - I think Tenebrous Kate already did a fine job of that - but this movie, paired with one of my favorites, Ichi the Killer, left me with one thought in mind: I want to be Yakuza.

And not necessarily because of the life of crime or random violence or flashing katanas or the sheer cold-bloodedness one needs to be able to fry the hands of schoolgirls in sizzling tempura batter, or feed someone's fingers to them on top of sushi. Oh no.

It's because according to manga, when you are Yakuza, you get to dress like this:

And absolutely NOBODY will tell you that you look like an explosion of a high school production of "Guys and Dolls." No one will tell you that you look like a gay extra from Dick Tracy, or I'm Gonna Get You Sucka. Because if they do, you can just take an entire roomful of people out and never get a speck on your red velvet coat.

Not that the arterial spray would show up on red.

Actually, no, scratch that. I want to be a Yakuza Ninja.

Then I could be in a gang that wears matching superhero outfits.

And best of all, I could wear a Drill Bra, and go around hugging people who pissed me off.

Gives a whole new definition to the saying "killing with kindness."

* Thanks to Tenebrous Kate for a couple of the pictures.


Tenebrous Kate said...

Yakuza outfit for the Cosuminatrix--APPROVED.

flightless said...

Madame Arkham and I were just discussing our desire to become dictators so we could wear any kind of hat we want.

sara said...

I aim low, I just wanna be a subway drag queen.....is that so wrong?

Anonymous said...

Don't you already have that drill bra? And if you don't WHY NOT?? You need it. NEEEED.

The Costuminatrix said...

Tenebrous Kate: I am grateful for your benevolence! I think I could rock the leopard print coat a little more thoroughly than the MG Yakuza family.

Flightless: The main power of a dictator is to inspire fear and awe - even when wearing a leopard fez. I have no doubt that you and Mme Arkham are up to the task, although I would suggest leaving the claws and teeth in the fez.

Sara: I see no problem with a subway drag queen wearing a Drill Bra.

Lady M: I have those two Madonna cone-bra corsets....I suppose I could hook up some heavy artillery to them...

Kitty LeClaw said...

The guy in the suit with all the glow-power looks like an Asian David Bowie.

I live in the City of 1,000 Sports Bars, and don't have the opportunity to watch many (erm, any) Japanese films, so this was the best that I could do. Soon, I'll be reviewing the entire series of Don Cherry's Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Hockey :o\

Karswell said...

For once I like the guy/girl ratio on a blog comment. And now before you all gang up on me (ooooo) I would like to add that I really have nothing to add, but can I still hang out? Kate and Kitty will vouch for me... wait... wait!!!


The Costuminatrix said...

Kitty: And this David Bowie resemblance is bad...how? Heh, heh.

Karswell: The Costuminatrix deems you APPROVED. House rule, no rubber flip-flops unless they are being used as a deadly weapon. Welcome!

Karswell said...

I sincerely thank you for allowing me entrance into this glamorous world of fashion and horror. I promise to be on my best behaviour (fingers crossed behind my back.)

Also, just as no man is an island, no man should ever wear flip-flops, that was merely a joke at The Vicar's expense. Men in flip-flips should become an island, somewhere far far away.

The Costuminatrix said...

Karswell: I like this idea you have of an island of flip-flopped men. We can use it for nuclear testing, or unleash Godzilla on it, or something.