So, last night's offering was Neil Marshall's futuristic-fantasy Doomsday.
Premise: a killer virus has wiped out a large chunk of Scotland. Sound familiar?
So, the eeeevil government decides to quarantine the upper half of Britain by building a huge maximum-security walled perimeter around it. Sound familar?
Well, several years later the virus pops up again in London. Once again, the eeeevil government cordons off a big chunk of the city, but they need a cure because of something to do with voters and money in the city coffers and not necessarily because, well, people are dying. You know, the usual thing the government worries about. Anyway, it is Revealed that there are survivors in the plague zone, you know, the one they walled off years ago.
So they send in a crack team of warriors who have a mission - find creepy doctor guy in Scotland, get cure from him, or don't come back. Sound familiar?
Or perhaps does THIS sound familiar, too?
Anyway, the leader of the team has Issues - she was saved from the Quarantine Zone as a child by her mother. Now, despite her baggage, she's going back in. Not to study them. Not to bring them back. But to wipe them ou - oh wait, wrong movie.
But the hott female team leader totally has a removable eye. Sound familiar?
You bet it does.
So in they go. Where they encounter the Glasgow natives, and boy are they pissed. They are also cannibals.
The head guy is creepy...
but he is NO comparison to the Duke of New York, A-Number-One, who would eat this Scottish punk for breakfast.
Then there are all these car chases with souped up vehicles. Sound familiar?
I thought so.
I swear to God I was rubbing my hands in anticipation waiting for the head bad guy to say "Just walk away."
I lost count of how many movie plots and moments they stole wholesale and shoehorned into this flick, and made absolutely no pretense that they weren't doing so. It was delightful. I was giggling with glee by the end of it.
I did learn one very important lesson from this movie. Apparently, when you are walled up for years and left to die, but you survive - the FIRST place you loot is the local medieval costume rental store.
I mean, I would LOVE to know where Malcolm McDowell found his velvet doublet with the studded leather sleeves in the rubble and ruin of post-apocalyptic Glasgow, because obviously I need to be doing my shopping in some decimated plague-ridden Hot Zones.
And for the kids, it's time to raid the fetish shops and tattoo parlours and swipe every bottle of Manic Panic and AquaNet possible.
And in between all that starving and war with other tribes and torturing intruders for funsies, you have loads of time to work on your awesome Metal Chainwork Choker and Elaborate Breastplate-Like Bra, and major face tattooing.
Just because your whole society has been reduced to cannibalism and clan war is NO reason not to look totally fabulous at all times.