Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Outback Fashion: CROCS Versus Crocs

Sometimes, when you are in the wilds of Australia, you just need some CROCS to make things more exciting.

And no, despite the fact that this is a horror-fashion blog (of sorts), and despite the fact that they are unsightly and scary enough to cause the fear in me when I see them, I'm not talking about these:

But rather, these.

The difference: the former will cause you eventual foot pain, fallen arches, and general derision. The latter will bite your foot OFF and cause you general death.

Ah, Australia, land of my upbringing. Land of sun and surf and in this case, swamp. Land of rare beasties, most of which will kill you in about five seconds.

Land of the GIANT Killer Croc.

The Aussies sure do love their Killer Crocodile movies, and I decided to treat myself to two of them recently:

Both are purportedly "based on true events." This does not particularly surprise me. What does surprise me is that these two do, in a way, seem to be the same movie.

Premise: boatload of tourists go out for a day trip in the swamplands, meander into a croc nest, get tossed out of boat, provide gourmet meal for killer crocodile.

Is it just me, or does that guy totally look like The Fonz?

The Fonz should have jumped a bunch of killer crocs instead of sharks.

The difference here is that Rogue plays for action-thrills-laughs, and Black Water is more a gritty survival tale. Although, strangely enough, Black Water totally looks like it was shot by the same director as Wolf Creek, when in fact it is Rogue who claims that director. Interesting.

At one point in Black Water, after having just escaped the clutches of the evil croc at least three or four times already, the male character delivers a stirring speech about how he hid in a cupboard for a whole day, afraid his brother was waiting to beat him up, when in fact the brother had gone off with his friends five minutes later.

"The point was, it was my own mind keeping me in that cupboard," he says. "If there's no croc down there, what are we bloody waiting for?"

As he descended into the water, I said out loud "I'm pretty sure there's a croc down there, mate."

And there was.

No, not that kind. Geez.

Where's this guy when you need him?

Anyway, this all begs the question: when choosing footwear for the Outback, is it better to go with these?

And which is uglier: CROC....

or croc?

You be the judge.